Ah …. the holidays have passed us again. Another year of commercialized giving and hard-pressed-to-achieve resolutions fall away into the reality of this new year. Me, disillusioned? Maybe. Reality often seems pessimistic.
So let’s turn now toward the unknown and what could be. I mean really where is it we will find ourselves in 2005? Many will make their predictions through supposed psychic intuition, educated guesswork, and/or just wild made-up fantasies of what they would like to see. And I want to be one of them. “Why?” you might ask yourself. Well, I’ll be honest here … If my predictions come true maybe people will listen to me more often (I think they should listen to me all the time, but I digress) and perhaps if they come true I can cash-in once a year and not have to work.
On with it, you say … I knew you would.
1. The US~Observer will gain nationwide notoriety by investigating and reporting on a very high-profile criminal case. The outcome will be the exoneration of all charges for the Observer client and a high civil case payout to them.
2. Star Wars Revenge of the Sith will smash box office records but will fail to impress loyal fans and George Lucas will once again be pressed into a teary apology on National TV for traveling down the “dark side”. Face it George. You should have had someone else direct. You’re great with CGI but lousy with people.
3. Israel will change its mind about pulling out of Gaza. Their excuse will be continued attacks on Israeli citizens. Israel will be faced with more than just Palestinians this time. Expect Egypt and Syria to get involved.
4. The West Coast of the United States will suffer a slew of huge earthquakes:
- Expect a 6.9 to hit Southern California.
- To the Northeast near Qualeys Camp, NV (East of Mammoth Lakes) a 7.2 tremblor is heading your way and the caldera will heat up significantly.
- From San Francisco North to Eureka, CA expect moving and shaking of 6.7 to 7.
- Farther to the North, Portland, OR will be hit by a 6.2 and Seattle, WA will be displaced by a 7.1.
- Alaska will erupt in further volcanic activity and the Aleutian Island Chain will be the site of the largest registered quake in recent history at magnitude 10.
5. A huge ice shelf will be displaced from the Arctic and scientists will debate whether or not it will indeed raise water levels and effect the salinity (ph) balance in the Oceans.
6. There will be another planet discovered beyond Pluto on an intense elliptical orbit heading back toward the center of our solar system. Its size, massive.
7. A break-through in medical research will result in the drastic reduction of cancer cases in the coming years. This will be in the form of a natural enzyme supplement given like a vaccination at birth.
8. The U.S. will again fall prey to a terrorist attack on our own soil. Expect this to be dirty.
9. Look for Burger Giants Jack and Ronald to unite and fight back with a documentary on vegetarians called “Vegan me!” showing that the effects of an all vegetarian diet leads to psychosis and, in some cases, waifism.
10. Taiwanese President Chen Shui-bian will push for independence from China. This will cause China to take the province militarily. Against the wishes of our military commanders, the United States will do nothing. At least for that moment.
11. Expect a Presidential assassination attempt.
12. Angelina Jolie will find her soulmate in a little known writer-fortune teller from the US~Observer, sorry Brad. (Okay, wishful thinking.)
13. North Korea will follow its status quo and push off talks on its nuclear weapons. They will, however up the ante by testing a nuclear device. This will put intense pressure on our administration to quash this dilemma.
As a side note … should China take Taiwan or move on them militarily, look for North Korea to militarize against the South. This will throw us into this conflict. The Asian Wars begin.
14. The computer and tech industry will flourish with the consumer release of chemical processors, crystaline storage and paper thin displays. Of course Microsoft will release a new version of Windows to run these new technologies called Windows NGen (next generation … yes, you can use it, Bill.) But don’t expect it to ship in 2005.
15. Star Wars Revenge of the Sith will NOT be nominated for any best acting categories. This has nothing to do with the wonderfully talented cast.
16. A bill allowing “Male Abortion” will be introduced causing much debate. The law would give a man the right to abort all ties to a child before it is born. The man would never have any legal rights to the child nor would he have to pay child support.
17. At the end of the year look for the first fully commercial space flight to take place with at least 3 paid passengers. This will usher in a new era of travel.
18. Gold will hit record highs when the Asian Wars erupt. Look for it to go up before then, too!
19. Due in part to the incredible accuracy of its 2005 Predictions article, the US~Observer will distribute its first full-color paper.
(20.) The featured photo on the cover will be a wedding picture. Looks like I get Angelina after all! (LOL It could happen.)
As for me, I’m already looking forward to next years holiday season, watching my daughters’ eyes light up on Christmas morning. Commercialization or not, it’s all about giving.
I truly hope, more than anything, yours is a wonderful year.
Editors Note: The US~Observer makes no claim to the accuracy of these predictions. Unless, of course, they come to be.